by Judy Joyce
Whenever I managed to come the 2500 miles home from college for the holidays, it was always a mixed blessing. This Christmas would be different, though. My older brother would also be back in town having driven almost 800 miles to bring his wife and children along. Come to think of it, it's odd that either my brother or myself would look forward to this year's family ritual. After all, getting as far as we could from the constant bickering and all out wars between our parents was one of the reasons we'd both left town.
I always felt safe when my brother was there. He stood strong between my folks if Dad went into one of his rage-aholic episodes. My brother, Jim, was what some would consider a "little" guy. No matter how upright he might stand, he was only 5' 11" tall. To me, he was a giant of a man.
At our family home the holidays were always touch and go.There now were other complications to add to the usual list of woes. I'd met the love of my life away at school. My longtime boyfriend was here in the city. I felt as if I was on a tight rope.
I remember quite clearly how guilt-ridden I felt. My brother had filled me in on a secret financial episode that assaulted my parents earlier in the year. Without me knowing any of this, their gas and electricity had been turned off so they could pay my tuition. I'd always believed that me covering my room and board with my job had kept the money issue at bay for them. Apparently, I was wrong. That would explain why Mom and Dad made it so very clear to me that my plane fare home this year would have to be my Christmas present. If only they knew how much I wanted to still be out on the West Coast.
No matter what, I'd have to find a way to let both my old boyfriend and my folks know how smitten I was with someone else. Already, it had entered my head I might never return back to live in this city again. As it turned out, my problem was solved for me unexpectedly. As we gathered to open our gifts, it was clear the kind of dire financial straights my family was in. Where we often had gifts three and four deep, this year it was one or two each at most. None for me of course. I'd had fun looking at what was under the tree though. We'd all remarked how curious we were about the gift from my brother to my sister-in-law. He was doing well in his job. Each year since they'd met, her gift from him was the most extravagant of all. That gift was always saved for last. This would be fun afterall.
Dinner finished on time and we gathered around. To my surprise, Mom and Dad wanted to show my brother some picts I'd sent home while I was gone. I got to explain them all. Too bad my new darling was on none of them. The best they could produce were my pictures from a college formal I went to in San Francisco with a guy I considered my friend. Luke was from Idaho. The thing that I got grilled about the most was all those clothes I'd had to borrow to get myself to that Junior Class ball. If it wasn't for the generosity of friends in the dorms and a complete stranger I barely knew, I wouldn't have been able to pull it off. That was what my family enjoyed the most. The pictures of me with new friends. They wanted me to tell about how the most attractive thing I wore had come from the stranger. Her name was Kim. She was very well-to-do. She had many many fashion items in her closet in San Francisco. She was visiting at our dorms when the girls were all abuzz about dressing me up Cinderella style. She added her two cents worth to our discussions and eventually persuaded me to use an exclusive designer evening wrap of hers. I was the belle of the ball! This seemed to tickle my parents the most. My brother seemed proud too. I remember feeling a warmth in that living room that was rare for us when enjoying an evening where liquor was involved. This night, no bottles were to be found.
A brief pass around of the few gifts we had wrapped brought us to the moment we'd been waiting for. My brother repeated his usual ritual of going last. He got up, walked slowly to the tree and picked up the large beautifully wrapped box that had his wife's name on it. We all held our breath with excitement that only a scant holiday can provide anyone. As he turned to toss that beautiful box to his wife, he stopped dead still.
Jim announced there seemed to have been a mistake. The mistake seemed to be that the box was mismarked. This box was for his sister. I can see it still, leaving his hands from across the living room and in very slow motion coming clear across the room. Believing there must be a mistake in what he meant, I called out "No, Jim. No presents for me this year. I flew home....." I said. " I think you'll want to open this." He said. I saw you wearing it in that picture you just showed. I think some stranger in San Francisco has another one just like it. No, sis, this is for you."
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